For the longest time I gathered life experience not knowing why. Sounds odd but here’s what I mean.
We go through life and we experience things. Some people continue to live the life they are leading and some choose to embrace the experience and change. Some people don’t think anything of the experience and some analyze it and put it to use. Some people don’t realize that they are experiencing anything and others put meaning to everything that happens. I happen to fall in to the latter category.
I tend to keep experiences very close. I tend to analyze them, look for the meaning and see what I can do with it. Mostly I use them to become a better human being. I’ve managed to learn to control my mouth – some would disagree. I’ve managed to become a better wife – I hope he would agree. I’ve managed to become a better mom – the therapy bills will tell the truth on that one. I’ve managed to become a better daughter – a long time coming I can tell you.
My friend Stefanie once commented that there are several qualities about me she really likes. This is good as we’ve been friends over 25 years. I’d hate to think she’d waste all that time on someone whose qualities she abhorred ! Anyway – what suprised me was that the qualities she liked were my penchant for introspection and my ability to change my mind. These things have been developed over time in response to ticking people off. Not that I would change myself for others but I don’t want to walk around having people plot my demise either.
I’ve chosen to do this for a lot of reasons and have found it quite successful. One other conclusion that I’ve come to is I am meant to experience all these things so that I can share it with others. I came to that conclusion a long time ago and for several reasons as well. One – things kept happening to me. Big, life altering things. And two – people kept talking to me. Friends, strangers, acquaintances. They all kept coming and still come to talk to me about their problems. Sometimes to vent and sometimes to help solve said problem. My mom even made me business cards to hand out which said, “If you need a wedding planned, lawyer disbarred or something taken care of – call Elizabeth” complete with my picture and number. Odd, but true.
So while I search for the meaning in my life, I remember that helping others is part of it. I think I go through these things to learn from them, build on them and share what I’ve learned. I assumed for a long time that everyone did this. I assumed that if little old me did this, then all people must want to learn and grow and change. I’ve since been disabused of this assumption and have learned that 90% of the population have a hard time figuring out how to tie their shoes.
So here I am with my A child, my life experiences and my thoughts and feelings. I decided that somebody needed to hear what I had to say. They keep coming and asking me anyway.