Well.. to blog or not to blog ? What does blog stand for anyway ? Are we just a bunch of malcontents looking for a place to share or intelligent people with a story to tell ? Probably a bit of both.
What takes up most of my heart and thoughts is my son. He has been in my heart and on my mind since the day he was born. Most kids are I would hope. Thomas … well, he takes up a lot of space. My son is what some would call challenging but only in a health sense. I thank God very often that we are not dealing with something that is a bigger fight but none the less, it has been an angst ridden nine years. I often feel guilty that I cannot take more pleasure in his successes. I am usually waiting for the but… We haven’t had any buts for a while but school starts soon and the buts will start coming. They always do.
My son started life with allergies that became life threatening, asthma, and severe eczema. Apparently the worst case of eczema that Sick Kids Hospital had ever seen. This nightmare went on for 3 1/2 years. During that time he was also identified as being on the spectrum for autism. We’ve also since discovered that he has ADD. Now you see why he is The A Child – other than eczema but it’s also known as atopic dermatitis so that fits too.
I begin this blog not only to vent my frustrations, but to sort out my feelings and fears, to pour out how much I love this boy before my heart bursts and to see who else is out there that feels this way but to also try to let it go. I want to let the feelings of anger and disappointment go. I want to love my son and be proud of him without feeling resentful that he has to work so hard. Without resenting that I have had to work so hard to get him to a place where he can be proud of himself.
If you are out there and you have an A child, glad to meet you. I know we are all at different points in our lives. Some know it gets better. Some don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some have driven through the tunnel and want to keep on driving until they can’t see the light anymore.
I am slowly coming to the realization that I have a fantastic kid. That he is the light in my tunnel. And that my journey through the tunnel will have been made better for having the privilege of being his mother. It’s the days that I want to drive in to the tunnel wall that I hope get easier to bear.