Now when I interviewed for the job, all they mentioned were the perks: warm, cozy office, complete control over project development and opportunity for advancement. The ad had asked for someone with good communication skills, ability to think on their feet, good manual dexterity and the ability to work as part of a team or independently. In my previous position as a master puppeteer I had developed all these skills. Designing new puppets was intricate work that required long hours, communication between departments and last minute adjustments were ongoing. I was perfect for the job and shook hands with my new supervisor at the end of the interview.
I showed up for work on the first day and got there early. As my job started really early to begin with, this was a bit of a challenge. The walk down the long dark tunnel was a little slippy in places but I’d soon find my way. It got lighter as I made my way down the tunnel and I met Ralph the night guy. He looked beat.
“Quiet night Ralph ?”.
“Pretty good except she tossed and turned a bit ” he said with a big yawn and he headed home.
I put my lunch in the locker looking forward to the first day cookies the wife had packed for me. I heard the alarm go off, strapped myself in the seat and got ready to work.
I pulled the first lever and the eye lids started to slide open. The view was quite nice but a bit blurry. This one needed glasses. When I pulled the second lever, my seat started to shake as the head raised off the pillow. Lever number three got the arms and legs moving. The view cleared quite quickly as the glasses came on. The intercom buzzed with an urgent sound. The Uro department was on the line.
“Max here. How can I help you?”
“Yeah, hi Max. I know you’re new here and all but we’re getting a bit backed up down here. Can you get her moving please ?”
“Sorry about that. I’ll get right on it.”
I quickly pulled down lever three and pushed it to the side with lever two. She was on her way as per the Uro departments request. My day was off to a great start.
Things got moving pretty quickly after that and I didn’t even get to enjoy the wife’s cookies with my morning coffee break. Got her dressed, got the kids up, made breakfast, made the lunches, get the kids out the door and on the way to school. I was pulling levers and pushing buttons faster than I’d ever done before. What a challenge she is to keep running smoothly. I had one glitch where I had her pulling on her coat and drinking her tea at the same time but she didn’t seem to notice. I guess she was used to rookies.
Once the mad rush was over, I thought I would get a break but she never stopped. It was all day typing, answering the phone, filing, etc. Then she raced to the store on her lunch. The wires over my head kept snapping and crackling like I was going to get electrocuted. After work we drove home and I was pushing buttons to release adrenaline as crazy drivers zoomed everywhere. Maybe everybody had a rookie today.
I figured once I got her home I would get a break but she kept going. Fixing dinner, signing permission slips, checking email, doing laundry; I could barely keep up ! Finally I had had enough. I pulled back on lever three and she stopped moving. Then I pulled back on lever two and felt the head going down. For extra insurance, I pulled back on lever one at the same time. She was out before her head hit the pillow.
I unbuckled, grabbed my uneaten lunch and stale cookies and punched out. Ralph was waiting at the tunnel.
“How did it go Max ? Did you enjoy your first day ?
“Are you kidding ??? I QUIT !”
As I started walking down the tunnel I shouted back over my shoulder, “You can’t pay me enough to keep up with her !”