This is something I have heard a lot in my life. I think it is a polite way of saying I talk too much and my reactions are quite large but I like enthusiastic as well. The weird thing is – I have not been enthusiastic about my life in a long time. I am enthusiastic about my family which is completely separate as far as I am concerned. My enthusiasm for life is not dimmed nor brightened as far as because of my family. For my family is the light of my life always. That does not change. OK – it does a bit. I am more enthusiastic for them some times than I am others but overall, my life view is not skewed by them. However, my enthusiasm for what my life can be, is brimming at the moment. As positive as this sounds it is becoming slightly distracting.
Imagine walking around all the time holding the best secret in your heart. Picture yourself suddenly smiling for no apparent reason. Not grinning in a maniacal way like good old Jack out of The Shining but just a pleasantly bemused expression. Like you know something the rest of the world is missing. As if you hold the secret to true life. Sort of like Curly’s one finger thing in City Slickers except you’ve already got it figured out. There appear to be a lot of movie comparisons for this post so hang on. Who knows what might pop in next.
Personally I would prefer to find out about the “one thing” before I go off the deep end and hack someone to pieces with what could only be described as misplaced and disturbing enthusiasm.
And I think I am there. I walk around with this happiness in my heart that I haven’t felt on a consistent basis for a long time. That or I’m having some kind of atrial fibrillation but I’m going to err on the side of enthusiasm.
People may get tired of hearing it but I am just so glad to be at school. So glad to be heading in the right direction. So glad to no longer feel like a total square peg. So glad I guess that my little heart adds some extra happy beats now and again just because it can. Just because it feels a bit lighter.
Now this is not to say that the world does not periodically try to squash my enthusiasm with jolts of reality but I think I’m dealing pretty well. I’m keeping up with my projects, reading and learning at school. My house has not fallen in to a state of complete chaos without my undivided attention. Guides is going well with fantastic co-leaders. Money will become an issue sooner than later but I have the rest of my life to deal with that. For now – I just want to be enthusiastic. That enthusiasm just won’t extend in to retail therapy when those occasional jolts stomp on my heart rather than leaving me feeling all excited.
For now, I will channel this enthusiasm in to what is important. My family is always top of the list but I think for now I might bump them down the list. School will be the key to doing the best by me and the best for my family. Our long-term goals will be better met with a happy, enthusiastic, employable me who can take the enthusiasm bubbling in my heart and mind and apply it to a broad spectrum of things. Job, creative endeavors, life – anything I want. Anything that will help maintain this level of wonderment and appreciation. Anything that will make me the enthusiastic person people seem to see.
If my life is constantly distracted by the feeling of enthusiasm, hope, possibility, creativity, freedom, learning, and happiness brimming in some part of my anatomy then life is pretty darn good. It could be worse: I could ignore embracing the “one thing” and end up looking through the curtains of my life with my face in the throes of a maniacal smile as I realized that being enthusiastic was the one thing I needed all along.