I have these phases of my life where I get quite introspective. Now these phases can last years but for the most part in short spurts. As I write that, I think that’s not true. It is an ongoing process. What changes is what philosophy I’m looking at. One that has stuck around for quite a while is the notion of dosha’s within the Ayurvedic practice. My post from yesterday got me to thinking. How do my dosha’s work together ? I think I may have found out.
Every philosophy or whatever you might want to call it, diagnoses me with a split personality. I’m not talking Cybill with voices and everything but the fact that I always look at things from two angles. I’m always wanting things more than one way. I have to weigh all my options before choosing something, be it pants or books or nail polish. I’m a Gemini by birth and a green / gold communicator. How much more split can you get ? If only I could be this flexible in my time on the mat.
I did a dosha test yesterday although I was already aware of my Pitta (fire) inclinations. Why you ask ? Because I am tired of being out of shape and giving up so easily on exercise. It is embarrassing to feel rolls of chub down my back when I am the only reason they are there. I can do this ! I tell myself. I then I don’t. Why ? Well that is currently under investigation. Yesterday’s investigation revealed that I have quite a bit of Kapha (earth) going on which is contributing to me being sluggish and more inclined to sit beside the dog rather than flip it.
This might sound a bit hoky to some but I’m a believer. Everything I’ve read about dosha’s fits with my personality and the way I roll. I realize that anything can fit if you tug hard enough but this was quite an easy slide. Once I confirmed that I was a Pitta – Kapha (opposites again I might add), I visited good old Deepak Chopra and did a little online evaluation. Turns out my Pitta mind is over excited and my Kapha body is slowly sinking in to the quicksand without a fight. My friends, I’m out of balance in a most spectacular way. Teetering on the top of a fence that is going to put a rail in my butt when I finally fall.
In order to balance this constant state of disquiet, I’ve taken up meditation which Mr. Chopra was most insistent about. Sort of a relax before it kills you kind of message. Seeing how my dad died of a heart attack at age 50, I should probably listen to this message. I come by my Type A, extreme Pitta, all or nothing kind of personality honestly. So I lit my candle, got my mat out and and my cushy exercise disc and ohhhm-ed. During this ooohhhhmmming (in my head of course), it came to me. My Pitta mind, being so all over the place and full of “stuff” is exhausting any resources I might be able to allocate to exercise. I’m tired before I begin. This is not good.
In light of this little epiphany, my mantra during meditation has become, “Calming my mind will give me more energy to do other things.” Being constantly up in my head, thinking, planning, learning, contemplating: it is wearing me out. I get that now. I have been investigating this for a while and I couldn’t understand how calming my mind would help me physically beyond reducing cortisol. Now I get it. By calming the energy in my head, I free up space for that energy to go other places. Energy for time on the mat. Energy for walks. Energy for peace. Energy to listen to my hunger rather than giving in and feeding it junk. Energy to allow myself to move forward at not quite the break neck speed I’m used to.
I’ve committed to meditating at least once a day for 15 minutes. Not a lot to some I’m sure but it’s a start for someone who can’t even sit through commercials. I’m building a repertoire of relaxing music to calm and centre me so my busy mind has something to distract it. Slowly but surely, I will come to calm. By working with my dosha’s to find balance, I may just be able to get off that fence once and for all and step in to peace. That or I’ll ask my husband to grab a rail from the fence and smack me in the head. Either way, I’m getting me some calm…