Had Me A Moment

I don’t know too many people who don’t like to feel needed.  I’m not talking the world must fall at your feet in appreciation of the fact you were born kind of needed but at least a hey you matter kind of needed.  I like to be needed.  I like to help.  I like to support others.  I like to give of my time and my talents where it will be helpful.  It just makes me feel better about the world in general. Does it come with its stresses ? Yes.  But it’s so worth it.  It’s because of this that I had me a moment on the way home from camp.

My role in the Guide unit is changing.  For the longest time I was the “it” Guider.  I organized just about everything.  Other than my house, this plays to my strengths.  I like to organize.  I like to brainstorm.  I like to come up with different ways to do things.  I keep pretty decent records, have planned good program and communicate quite well.  Do I have the odd brain fart ? Of course.  Everybody does.  For the most part though I kept things humming a pretty nice tune.  This was out of necessity not design.  I like to be in charge but I don’t need to be in charge.  Is it part of my personality to lead ? Yup.  I consider it another strength.  This situation was born of need.

This year is different.   I have been fortunate enough to work with exceptional women in the Guiding organization.  Truly talented and well-meaning people who also like to be needed and give of their precious time and considerable talents.  But like everybody now a days, the time was limited so most of the main organizing fell to me and that’s just how things rolled.  This year the stars have aligned and the group not only has the desire to be needed but the talent to get it done and the time to give the job what it needs.  This is where my role has changed.

I’ve had a bit of a challenge adjusting to this role in that I started to think if I don’t do everything, I’m contributing nothing.  A bit of an exercise in self-flagellation if I’ve ever seen one.  This weekend has finally changed that.  This weekend confirmed that I can still be a productive, useful member of the team and not have to do everything.  This was huge for me.  This weekend we camped with 31 girls and 6 women and had a great time.  One incident occurred that confirmed I’m still a valuable member of the team.  A girl came to me for help.

I’m not some Munchausen junkie who creates drama to be needed.  Quite frankly if the weekend had gone by without an incident I might have arrived at the same epiphany.  But the fact that this girl chose to come to me at 1130 at night while I was on a different site to help her with homesickness was a part of my moment.  It confirmed that I’m still a valuable, contributing member of the team and regardless of my own  mental floss that tells me otherwise, the girls still need me.  She could have gone to any member and gotten excellent support of that you can be sure.  It was just nice it was me.

So while I may have my ups and downs about continuing in this particular volunteer role, I had me a moment on the way home from camp that involved some tears.  It might have been born of sheer exhaustion and anticipation of unpacking my camel of a van.  It might have been divine intervention letting me know I still mattered.  It might have been a delusional moment brought on by lack of tea.  Whatever it was, I’m glad it happened.  I felt a lot better about my place in the world and that my friends is worth all the sleep deprivation, mosquito bites and fire pit burns that camp can bring.  I think when, or if I ever leave Guiding, I’ll probably have me a bit of homesickness too.  The great thing is I know I’ll have excellent support too and we’ll have the moment together.

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